Falling into pieces

Today has been exhausting emotionally. I have been having a really hard time dealing with Jordan leaving and I was surprised that the rest of my siblings have too. I expected Katrina and Annika to cry because they are emotional like me but when Sarah and Corey started crying too, that was the end of any composure I had managed to maintain up to that point.
The entire drive back to New Orleans was like a series of emotional waves. I would be overwhelmed by emotions then just when I thought I had overcome them, another wave would hit. It has been really difficult to pick apart the reasons to why this has been emotionally trying but here is what I have so far:
1) A big part of it is that no other sibling has moved since I moved to college and now when I go home we won't all be together anymore. I'm worried that we won't all be together again (even though I know this isn't true, it won't be the same).
2) I think a lot of this has to do with losing Rachael and now that I am feeling like I am losing Jordan too, the old feelings of loss have resurfaced even though it is not the same situation.
3) Another reason is my lack of faith. I think that Jordan's time at boot camp is a critical point in his relationship with God and that this will either make him or break him. I am not fully trusting that God will use boot camp to draw Jordan to Him.
I know there is more lurking around inside me but I am too exhausted to probe any deeper. Off to bed and praying for deep, dreamless sleep...

Job update

So I had posted a while back about starting the job search and just wanted to provide you all with an update on how that is going. I applied to several schools and had two official interviews--one with a charter school and one with a catholic school. The charter school was a bust but I got a job offer from the catholic school. The salary that they offered me was too small for me to live off of so I told them what I would need and they said they could not meet my offer.
The school systems here are so different than what I was used to in Auburn. Here you have the public schools, recovery district schools, charter schools, private schools, and catholic schools. The public schools are unstable because of state budgets being cut. The recovery district is a mess. The charter schools are like boot camp for teachers and students--long hours, extremely rigid rules, extended school year, etc. And the catholic schools can't pay enough for me to live off of.
So, after going through this process I have decided to take the Graduate Assistant position at UNO for another semester. I will graduate in December and apply to work for Early Steps which is what I wanted to do anyways. My only hesitation about taking this position was that I will be an independent service provider working for the state so I will not have any benefits (health insurance, retirement, etc) but I will get paid $60/hour and I can decide how many hours/cases I want to work.

PG-13

This week has been soooo looong....I have learned some interesting things but I am past the point of exhaustion. Yesterday I was tested on putting in a catheter, feeding through a g-tube, and cleaning a trach. As I'm typing this, I am supposed to be listening to the powerpoint presentation on toileting skills. 

Sorry about the picture but I just had to share it after stumbling across it in one of our many handouts. Why would I ever need to see a sketch of an individual relieving themselves through a catheter?? 

couch to 5k

It's official! I'm training to run a 5K! No the world is not coming to an end. My mom just suggested that I start doing a program called "From Couch to 5K" so we started training when I went home to visit. I am in week 6 of 10 in the training program. It has been going well so far but I am starting to lose motivation now. This is partly due to exhaustion from my one week classes but also because this past week and a half I have been doing it on my own in the UNO gym. I am far more motivated to continue the training program when someone does it with me. So Sarah, if you're reading this, get ready because we are going to be running either in the mornings or afternoons because I need someone to kick my butt when I can't do it myself.

Sad, BP. Just sad.

Livin' on Prayer

I made it through my first one week class slightly exhausted. My routine has been getting up at 6:20, driving to the campus gym to workout, showering, then heading to class until 5pm every day. I've been making myself go to bed by 10pm so I am getting plenty of sleep but I am still slightly exhausted.
Today I was able to go yard sale shopping which is one of my favorite things to do. I love finding awesome deals  on fun things! The rest of my day will be spent watching the US kick England's butt in soccer, napping, then babysitting. I just hope I can make it through my class next week then my summer will be a breeze.