Twenty-one!

My 21st birthday was this past Monday. I didn't get to do much celebrating since I was at the Best Buddies Leadership conference in Indiana and in a plane for most of the day; so me and my roomies made plans to go celebrate in Atlanta this Friday. Although, while I was in Indiana, some of the girls I met there, found a birthday banner and candles, made a makeshift cake out of pieces of banana, and sang to me at midnight. They were so sweet!

Last night was my celebration with the roomies in Atlanta. We left Auburn around 5pm and arrived home around 2:30 am; it was a blast! The night started out at the Atlanta Aquarium for live music and drinks. Then we headed to a cute little restaurant called Murphy's and a jazz club dowtown next to the Foxe theater called Churchill Grounds. It was so nice to hang out with my roomates and get away from school.

Its ok that I'm not ok

Yesterday was one of those days where everything seems to build up to the point where you have 2 choices. 1) you can have a meltdown and become depressed or 2) you hand it all over to God and say "your will be done". Being the broken sinner that I am, I opted for choice #1. It felt like the world was against me and I could do nothing right; I was drowning and nothing could save me. Sometimes it is good to have a little cry but I dwelled on everything that was wrong and on things that I could not change. My advisor is moody and it is a rare occasion that she is in a good mood, thus making my life miserable; I can't fix a broken relationship; I am trying so hard to make a difference and there are so many obstacles holding me back. Why can't life be easy?! My thought was, "God, I am trying to do good and show your love...help me out here!". I felt like I had a right to get the easy path out.

Today, God has pushed me to the point of having no other choice than to hand it over to him. It is amazing the peace he has given me. I was reading from My Utmost for His Highest for July 22. The topic for the day is Sanctification. Some of the verses they reference are the following:

Matthew 10:34 (NIV)

"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword."

Luke 14:26 (NIV)

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple"

1 Corinthians 1:27-30 (NIV)

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption."


I read the first 2 verses and I was like, you've got me there God. I am miserable and can't see the purpose in all of this. Now what? Then I got to the 3rd verse...duh...it is in my weaknesses that he is made strong. I need to hand it over to him because I can't do it on my own. I know all these things but why is it so easy to forget and so hard to do? He has freed me from myself and my works! I am His and can rest in Christ and his holiness! Thank you God for reminding me of your glory and power.

Family

This is my family! Ok, so mom and dad aren't that old, but you get the picture. I love them dearly and have come to appreciate them more and more over the past few years. It is fun watching my siblings turn into real people. They are growing up and forming plans and goals for their future. I love bragging about them and telling my friends how weird my brothers and sisters are!

Often I am asked "how many brothers and sisters do you have?". This is probably one of the hardest questions for me to answer. The struggle is 1) do I take the easy way out and say "5" or 2) do I risk it and say "6". (Risk probably isn't the appropriate word but because I am not eloquent with words it will have to do.) There is always the chance that even if I do respond "6" they will not ask "what are the ages?". If they do ask, I can sometimes get away with saying "I am the oldest and the youngest is 9 and everyone is about 2 years apart". It usually is not hard for me to talk about Rachael but it is the response that I get when I tell people that she was killed in a car accident that is hard. It creates an awkward situation for all. They don't know how to respond and I don't know how to ease their discomfort.

Anyways, this is all on my mind today because I miss her. I go home and am jealous of the close relationships that my siblings at home are able to build because they live together. I had that once...Rachael and I would lay in our bunk beds at night and talk about everything. She would complain about girls at school that got on her nerves and the drama that surrounds them and I would do the same. Then we would talk about our latest crushes and how dumb boys were. Not to say that everything was perfect because we had tough times too. This may sound silly, but I even miss fighting with her about her getting into my stuff or never cleaning the room. She was so stubborn and most of the time I just wanted to yell at her but she was my best friend.

All this to say, it is bittersweet to see my siblings become closer. My favorite thing is to see Jordan looking out for Katrina. Putting it mildly, Katrina is very naive about how boys think and what her actions say to guys. Recently, mom was telling me about some boy that kept calling the house late at night to talk to katrina. Katrina claims they are just friends but she talks to him at all hours of the night. I have tried explaining to her that that is not what friends do and mom has talked to her too, but it was awesome to hear Jordan say that this guy better stop calling or else. He has also told her how she doesn't need to be talking to guys on myspace and facebook that she does not know. It is neat to hear him look out for her because it is a different Jordan than when I was living at home.

Sarah is a spit fire. She won't take anything from anyone, especially if you are related to her. She is a snuggler and loving when she wants to be, and she has seemingly unlimited patience when caring for other people's children.

Corey is the cutest little freckle faced blonde that I have seen (totally unbiased opinion). He has the whole west coast surfer look going for him. He also has a "girlfriend" and thinks he is so big and bad. I still see him as a little boy but he is growing up faster every day.

Annika is the most tender hearted of them all. She told mom that she was going to stay home when she grows up and take care of mom and dad when they are old. Also, when I asked her what she wanted to do when she grew up, she said that she wanted to be a veterinarian and that she couldn't stand to see animals hurting. She is very emotional and can't watch certain movies without crying. I remember watching Charlotte's Webb in the theater with my family and Annika and I looking at each otherwith tears in our eyes after Charlotte had died. Dad laughed at us of course. :)

This is my family. We are broken and in need of God's grace. And I love them!

Life is a whirlwind

The end of the semester is approaching fast, final projects are due, and I have to get ahead of my schoolwork so I can miss a day next week. This Friday I will be flying to Bloomington, Indiana for the Best Buddies Leadership Conference and flying back late monday night (on my birthday!). I love birthdays! They are a great excuse to get together with friends and celebrate! And good friends that I haven't seen or talked to in a while usually call me. It makes me feel loved!

Today I am sitting at Panera "working on projects". I will eventually work on them but I have to get all of my procrastinating out of the way first. This morning I went to a friend's house to help her pick veggies in the garden. I really just watched while she loaded my basket with tomatoes and cucumbers. She is so sweet! I help her by watching 2 of her girls whenever I get a chance and she gives me the best payment of all...fresh veggies and a delicious lunch!

In the blue bowl is a delicious cold salad that she makes for me and I made at home with what she gave me. It is made with an onion, cucumbers, zucchini, tomatoes, basil, red wine vinegar, olive oil, and salt and pepper.

In the red bowl is a yummy vegetable soup that I made with some stewed tomatoes, squash, zucchini, and green beans---all given to me from her garden. (and an onion from wal-mart)

Hope you laugh

Here is a look into my morning:
Woke up around 7am got ready, packed my bags for the day, stopped for a much needed cup of coffee, then headed to practicum. Hopped in the car with Elizabeth, another practicum student, and Mrs Lillian (my Alabama Institute for the Deaf and Blind supervisor who I observe), reminded her that I'm buying her spinners for her silver Buick that her grandkids call a "grandma car", and headed to Alexander City for a home visit.

In order to get the full picture you need some background info....Mrs Lillian is a spunky 77 year old woman working in Early Intervention. She has a big heart for children with disabilities which you can see from her years working in the field and from the 4 children with disabilities that she has adopted. She, as well as other people who work in special education, has the ability to laugh about a lot of the things we see in the field that might scare or shock others.

So, we are on our way to visit a child who I will call Latarious or L for short. L lives out in the projects past Woody Woodpecker Daycare (not kidding- this is the actual name). We are driving down the road and I'm looking around at the houses. As we are passing a little yellow house, I see two old, black ladies in the yard standing at the fence wearing their moo moos and...wait!....does she have a pot on her head?! I do a double take...OMG!...she has a huge white cooking pot on her head! Mrs Lillian! Mrs Lillian! She had a pot on her head! By that time we are too far away for her to see but we have a nice laugh while pulling up to L's house.

L lives with his mom and grandmother, Nelly Mae, who both have intellectual disabilities or as Mrs Lillian puts it--they are definitely retarded. As we pull up, we see Mrs Nelly Mae sitting on the front porch with her purse in lap, teal velvet sweat suite on, and wearing her cheap, black, 70s style wig. By this time our sides are starting to hurt and we are wondering what else we could see today. By the end of our 1 hour session with L, our question was answered. L's cousin, who is going into his senior year in high school and also receives special ed services, rolls up on a bicycle. Nelly Mae asks cousin "did you steal that?". Cousin changes the conversation to video games then asks if he can keep the bike inside their house. He rolls the bike inside then takes off down the street on foot. We look at each other, raise our eyebrows, and get out of town!

Whew! Not all of my mornings are this eventful, but I do get to go into a lot of poverty stricken areas and serve children. It is a eye opening experience. I have always known that I am lucky to have parents that love me and take care of me but these experiences make me realize that not everyone has that. People may not have been taught things that I assume are common knowledge like you are supposed to talk through problems with the people you have a problem with or stealing is not the way to get what you want.
Being able to laugh at the things we see day to day is a necessity because we cannot stop at just feeling sorry for these people or being nervous in our surroundings; we have to be advocates for individuals with disabilities and serve them where it is most convenient for the family.
I love what I do and would not trade it for anything!